Helping a Child to Settle Into Your Home

All children will have been given information about you, your family and your home before they are placed with you unless it is an emergency placement. They may have also visited you before the decision to place them was taken and may have had an introduction period where they were able to express their view about living with you.

This will hopefully help in settling a child in but all children will cope differently with either coming into care or a placement move.

Check the information given to you from the child’s social worker; ask them if there is anything you are not clear about before the placement starts.

Talk to all other children in the household about the new child to help them adjust also.

We know from feedback from children /young people that moving into a new foster home can be a scary and daunting experience. Children / young people may have had a range of frightening or difficult experiences which makes it hard for them to build relationships easily and trust others. Children and Young People will need a great deal of reassurance, compassion warmth and empathy throughout their time with you but particularly when they are new to your home. You may find children and young people present in different ways, some may appear confident, others withdrawn and some young people may show more challenging behaviour which is often their way of expressing painful feelings they are unable to share with us.

It is important that you are calm and reassure the child helping them understand the boundaries within your home. Remember the child/young person will not know what the normal rules and boundaries are within the home they are likely to be different to what they are used to. If the child is withdrawn give them space but also offer times when they can talk to you or spend time with you.

It may be important to give some attention to the child's physical appearance and belongings. Depending upon the circumstances that have brought the child into Accommodation or Care, there may be key deficits in their belongings which need to be:

• Obtained from home or a previous carer;
• Renewed; or
• Freshly acquired, including clothes, toiletries, educational equipment (a school bag), etc.

However, this may require sensitivity and patience in some areas (Avoid appearing critical or dismissive).

If the placement with you is a short-term or temporary placement, when the child 'moves on' make sure that their belongings are moved with appropriate luggage. A child's belongings should never be transported in bin-bags or other inappropriate containers (see NYAS, My Things Matter Report).

If times get difficult it is important for them to know that it’s their behaviour which you object to and not them. Don’t expect things to change quickly, it may take time. You need to tell them that it is ok to be angry but it’s what they do with that anger, e.g. go for a walk, and do an activity depending on their age. All Children/ young people will need your support to help them settle into your home and manage difficult emotions and feelings safely both in the short and long term.

Some children may be on their best behaviour and be fearful to show how they feel in case you send them away.

Your Supervising Social Worker is there to help you through this - remember, discuss the difficulties as they happen and keep a record! There is support available from the fostering team from your Supervising Social Worker, the Child’s Social worker, Consult and other key agencies working with the child/ young person.

Your own family will also take time to adjust. Your children may feel neglected by you because some of your time is given to another. Your children may copy bad behaviour. It will be useful to look at all this when you are developing your Safer Caring family policy. See Developing a Safer Caring Plan. Please seek support from your Supervising Social Worker and the Fostering Team.

The following information will be useful and should be gathered from the child’s social worker and parents where possible

• What the child prefers to be called;
• What do they like to do?
• If it is a very young child, do they have a dummy or a comforter - like a teddy or a blanket? What is it called? Older children may have a comforter but may be embarrassed about anyone knowing;
• Clothes and belongings are important; if they bring any with them don't throw them away, (some items may be a part of the child's memories). As appropriate, encourage them to choose with you what to wear;
• A child may be uncomfortable bathing or undressing in front of a stranger – be sensitive and find out what the child is used to;
• People who are important to the child and their relations to him including friends;
• Food - likes, dislikes, routine, special religious or cultural preferences;
• Bedtime routines;
• Skincare;
• Pets, likes and dislikes and fears;
• Hobbies and interests, clubs and activities;
• Fears;
• Medical information and allergies;
• Any communication difficulties;
• Any specific equipment e.g. if the child has a disability.

Please remember particularly initially children/ young people may struggle to always share their likes and dislikes, they may not feel safe to do or they may not wish to be causing difficulty. Its important to gently check in with children/and young people about their likes and dislikes as these may change once they feel more comfortable in your home.

We want for our children in care to feel part of your family and to receive the same care and attention that you provide to your own children so they feel fully included within the family unit.

If the placement is for a Disabled Child in order to make sure the child settles, you should:

• Speak to the child's Social Worker to get as much information as possible about the child and their disability:
  • If need be seek specialist advice/feedback from other professionals who know the child, (e.g. a medical or CYPMHS practitioner; teacher, etc.);
  • Treat them as children firstly and foremostly;
  • Be clear about the child's strengths;
  • Discuss with the child/young person the areas that you have an 'enabling role' with them.
• Be clear with the child where they will need your assistance, support and time – seeing some of these as areas for their future development;
• Ensure you have support from your Supervising Social Worker;
• Look at where there are relevant & appropriate community parents'/carers' support groups;
• Have realistic, expectations of the child and set clear boundaries;
• Stress the positive things a child can do;
• Praise the child, and reassure them (as appropriate);
• Encourage the child to take part in a wide variety of activities;
• Enable/support them to play and mix with other children;
• Help them become as independent as possible;
• Engage in training opportunities that will broaden your skills.