Helping a Child to Settle Into Your Home

All children will be given information about you, your family and your home before they come to live with you, unless it is an emergency placement. They may have also visited you before the decision for them to move in with you and may have had an introduction period, where they were able to express their view about living with you.

This will hopefully help in settling a child in, however all children will cope differently with either coming into care or moving to a different home.

It is recommended that you talk to all other children in the household about the new child to help them adjust also.

Some children and young people will need more support than othersand may present with differing behaviours ranging from being quiet and withdrawn to displaying more challenging behaviours.

It is important that you are calm and support the child / young person to feel more safe by being clear with boundaries whilst striving to maintain a connection with them through a PACEful approach. Ensuring this connection supports the child in knowing that you are available when they need you.

Regardless of the behaviours that may arise, you will need to support the child / young person to regulate and understand these behaviours whilst providing them with continuing acceptance and emotional connection. This helps children to feel safe and to build security even at those times when they are vulnerable to feeling not good enough and to fears of abandonment.

It may be important to give some attention to the child's physical appearance and belongings. Depending upon the circumstances that have brought the child into Accommodation or Care, there may be key deficits in their belongings which need to be:

• Obtained from home or a previous carer;
• Renewed; or
• Freshly acquired, including clothes, toiletries, educational equipment (a school bag), etc.

However, this may require sensitivity and patience in some areas (Avoid appearing critical or dismissive).

If the placement with you is a short-term or temporary placement, when the child 'moves on' make sure that their belongings are moved with appropriate luggage. A child's belongings should never be transported in bin-bags or other inappropriate containers (see NYAS, My Things Matter Report).

If times get difficult it is important for them to know that it's their behaviour which you object to and not them. Don't expect things to change quickly, it may take time. You need to tell them that it is ok to be angry but it's what they do with that anger, e.g. go for a walk, and do an activity depending on their age.

Some children may be on their best behaviour and be fearful to show how they feel in case you send them away.

Your Supervising Social Worker is there to help you through this - remember, discuss the difficulties as they happen and keep a record!

Your own family will also need time to adjust. Other children in your home may feel neglected by you because some of your time is given to another and should be supported with empathy and acceptance. Any challenging behaviours should be taken into consideration when you are developing your Safer Caring family policy. See Developing a Child's Safer Caring Plan. Take time to explain to the child / young person the boundaries, routines and rituals within the family home and  your expectations of family members within the home. It is important that you let the child / young person know that you will support them to maintain these boundaries, routines and rituals at all times.

The following information will be useful and should be gathered from the child’s social worker and parents where possible

• What the child prefers to be called;
• What do they like to do?
• If it is a very young child, do they have a dummy or a comforter - like a teddy or a blanket? What is it called? Older children may have a comforter but may be embarrassed about anyone knowing;
• Clothes are important, if they bring any with them don’t throw them away, use them at first but then make sure you keep them as they are part of the child’s memories - if the child is old enough, let them choose what to wear;
• A child may be uncomfortable bathing or undressing in front of a stranger – be sensitive and find out what the child is used to;
• People who are important to the child and their relations to him including friends;
• Food - likes, dislikes, routine, special religious or cultural preferences;
• Bedtime routines;
• Skincare;
• Pets, likes and dislikes and fears;
• Hobbies and interests, clubs and activities;
• Fears;
• Medical information and allergies;
• Any communication difficulties;
• Any specific equipment e.g. if the child has a disability.

If you will be caring for a Disabled Child, in order to make sure the child settles, you should:

• Speak to  the child’s Social Worker to get as much information as possible about the child and their disability;
  • If need be seek specialist advice/feedback from other professionals who know the child, (e.g. a medical or CAMHS practitioner; teacher, etc.);
  • Treat them as children firstly and foremostly;
  • Be clear about the child's strengths;
• Support them with acceptance and empathy and help them to enjoy success as much as possible;* Encourage the child to take part in a wide variety of activities;
• Support them to play and socialise with other children;
• Support them become as independent as possible;
• Treat them with respect whilst acknowledging their difference whilst supporting them at their emotional, social and developmental age.
• Talk to them, discuss, and explain things;
• Be patient.