Relationships and Sex

Contents

1. Introduction
2. Talking About Relationships and Sex
3. Useful Tips
4. My Foster Child Thinks They Want a Baby
5. Contraception and Pregnancy
6. Local Sexual Health Services

1. Introduction

Talking about relationships and sex can often feel like quite a difficult subject, but it is important that you feel able to speak openly to children in your care about relationships, body parts and body changes and to answer any questions they may have.

Children in Care may have missed out on sex education at school when they moved placements. It is important therefore that you feel able to deal with issues around sex and relationships.

You should ensure that as part of the Placement Plan you are clear of any family values or religious beliefs that underpin this subject. A parent may express wishes about their child’s sex education, which should be taken into account, but your over-riding aim must be to safeguard a young person’s health and well-being.

2. Talking About Relationships and Sex

Age-appropriate conversations about relationships should begin early in a child’s life and continue as they grow up. Even if a young person is placed with you as an older teenager, it’s never too late to talk about sex. All children need open communication, guidance, and information about these issues, even if they sometimes don’t appear to be interested in what you have to say. They may come across inappropriate information on the TV or internet so they need to feel able to speak to you about any concerns or questions they may have.

Remember to talk to both girls and boys and don’t assume if there are two carers’, the other is doing it. Both carers should be involved in these conversations.

You must adopt the same approach with children who are confused about their sexual identity or gender or who have decided to follow a particular lifestyle (so long as it is not abusive or illegal).

Discussing relationships and sex can be more complex if the child/young person has been sexually abused. They may blame themselves and have confused feelings about the purpose of sex. You may need to work closely with other professionals including the child’s social worker to ensure young people have an understanding of appropriate, healthy relationships and sexual behaviour, and to rebuild self-esteem and develop trusting relationships.

You should try to not to project how you feel about the subject onto the child, so if you cringe when asked a question, the child may also shut down or be unsure what this means.

Research has found that if parents/carers talk to children about this subject, they are more likely to delay having sex and use contraception when they do.

Effective relationships and sex education at home and at school is essential if young people are to make responsible and well informed decisions about their lives and resist peer pressure.

Schools are required to provide relationships and sex education as part of the curriculum for all children and young people. School programmes are based on national and local guidelines and take place both at primary and secondary level. Sometimes you will be automatically notified by a child’s school of what they are planning to deliver, if not you should try to find out when programmes are being introduced so that you are prepared for any questions they may have.

3. Useful Tips

Some useful tips;

• Start early, don’t feel you need to know it all, but if the child asks you a question and you don’t know the answer say you will get back to them and make sure you do. Answer questions simply if asked – e.g. What is a condom? It helps prevent unplanned pregnancies and the transmission of STIs;
• It is always best to check out what a child/young people know, so if they ask you a question, ask them what they think it means;
• Do not wait for them to raise the subject. You could talk to a young person about something that has been on the television or in the news to get their views. This should also cover topics such as friendships, respect and trust;
• Find books, leaflets or appropriate websites dependent on age for the child to look at, or look at them together;
• Find out where local services are that can help. Contact local youth services or look on-line for more information;
• Try to be truthful as stories about storks can be confusing and will need to be changed later.

4. My Foster Child Thinks They Want a Baby

Some young people may have a strong desire to have a baby. They may think by doing this they can create their own family which could offer love and stability. It may be useful to seek support from their social worker or your Supervising Social Worker about how to respond in this situation. They will be able to help you identify sources of support for you and the young person in your care. It can be helpful to encourage the young person to think about the following:

• How they plan to support a baby emotionally and financially?
• What are the day to day costs needed to care for a baby?
• What they think it is like to care for a baby on a day to day basis;
• What do they want for their children?

5. Contraception and Pregnancy

Many young people will develop a healthy and developmentally appropriate interest in sexual relationships whilst they are still children, and some will do this before they reach the age of consent which is 16. You should speak to your Supervising Social Worker and the child’s social worker to agree what steps to take to reduce the risk of pregnancy or infection, including contact with sexual health services. As a foster carer you should not give advice on contraceptive choices, as sexual health services are trained to do this. Any child under the age of 16 years can ask for contraceptive advice without the consent of a parent or guardian.

If a young person is suspected or known to be pregnant or have a sexually transmitted infection, you should speak to your Supervising Social Worker, who should consult the child’s social worker to decide on the actions that should be taken as soon as possible.

Children under the age of 13 are deemed unable in law to give consent to any sexual activity. If you are concerned that a child placed with you has engaged in sexual activity, this must be referred to Bradford Children’s Social Care under the West Yorkshire Consortium Safeguarding and Child Protection Procedures (as a Child Protection Referral).

Issues of confidentiality are vital in promoting positive relationships and sex education; the main principle regarding confidentiality is that you should not share another person’s personal information without their consent, unless failure to do so this would put them at risk of harm. Young people have a right to expect that those who work with or care for them respect their privacy.

If you are concerned that a young person is being abused, exploited or at risk of Significant Harm, you should share your concerns with the child’s social worker as soon as possible.

Remember that early sharing of information is key to providing effective help for children and young people. Where possible, practitioners should share confidential personal information with Children’s Social Care with consent. However, where there are concerns that a child is suffering, or is likely to suffer, significant harm, you should be willing to share information without consent where the public interest served by protecting the child from harm outweighs the duty of confidentiality.

6. Local Sexual Health Services

The BASH Bradford website is the one stop shop for sexual health and contraceptive information, advice and services in the Bradford district.

The site lists all the confidential and free sexual health and contraception services available, making it easier for you to look after your sexual health.

Prevention

Local Pharmacies can provide condoms, prescriptions and emergency contraception for under 25s.

Testing

GPs offer basic STI screening and oral contraception.

Treatment

Local Sexual Health clinics can help with long-acting reversible contraceptives (LARC), complex needs advice or testing if itching young person has itching or a discharge.

For more information or to find local services search for visit the BASH Bradford website or call 030 3330 9500 to speak to someone about sexual health.